Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
you love me no longer, I know
and maybe there is nothing
that I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
that I ought just stick to another man
a man that surely deserves me
but I think you do!

So I cry, and I pray and I beg

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me

So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you

Lately I have desperately pondered,
spent my nights awake and I wonder
what I could have done in another way
to make you stay
Reason will not reach a solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
as long as you don't go

So I cry, I pray and I beg

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me

So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you

(anything but you)

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
Love me love me
I know that you need me
I can't care about anything but you

 Everything is looking up, Warren and I are okay again. He just moved downtown, so I can see him alone more now, I'm probably moving downtown August 1st, which will be fantastic. Started hanging out with Claire and Fiona more which rules, and Jessica is coming August 6th, which I could not be more excited for! :)

 Warren Calbeck, you are an asshole.

 So, samantha and I have been on a very stressful hunt to find an apartment downtown. We ended up finding a place, through a friend, which was cheap and in a good location. We met one of the girls living there and checked out the apartment, we really liked it, but I had to convince my parents to let me. They FINALLY decided it would be okay, so my mom came with us to meet the landlord, who my mom hit it off with right away, as usual. Anyways, we planned on going downtown to sign the lease Saturday (today), and we'd be able to move in on June 1st. Thursday night, after we had talked over tons of plans for our new place, I got a call from one of the roommates saying their plans fell through and cannot move out until August now. We were so utterly bummed, I don't know if we should try to find another place, or wait for that one to be available? I just really don't want to live here.. but I really liked that place. ugh.. I hate them.

i'm actually pretty convinced that i am on the verge of being depressed sometimes, i cry randomly and cannot stop. I feel like this summer just utterly blows and is not going to get better at all. After living downtown for a year, and having to move back home for the summer, it really sucks. I feel as though all my freedom and independence has been stripped from me. There is nothing to do, and I am bored all of the time, so I resort to laying in my bed all day. My boyfriend lives in Toronto and is still in school, he's busy all the time and never comes to Whitby to see me, because well, there's nothing to do here. I have been trying to get a job, with no luck. There is nothing more that I want, than to move back downtown as soon as possible, but I have to get a job first apparently, make money, and just keep hating my life until maybe my parents realize I need out of this shitty ass town.

 i feel like everything sucks right now, i've been bummed a lot lately and nothing seems to be going right.

 Since my last ex boyfriend dumped me without any signs of discontent with the relationship, or disinterest in me, I am doomed to feel as if my current relationship might end at any moment. Whenever I upset him, I feel as though he's going to stop loving me and leave me. It's always my fault for any discontentment in the relationship, because he is like perfect and never gets angry or unhappy without me triggering it. I always get upset over stupid, pointless things, but keep them to myself, which end up making him upset and confused. It's really stupid, and I hate it. I hate the way I act in a relationship, so from now on, I'm going to try not to let the little things bother me or bum me out. 

 i've been sick for like a month, but in the past week it's gotten really bad. I think smoking must have made it worse, so i haven't been for a few days. My asthma is getting so bad I cannot sleep at night. The other night I kept coughing so much that i was up 5 times puking because of it. I'll have episodes where i just keep coughing and cannot control it, I just can't stop. I went to see a two hour long movie yesterday and honestly coughed during the whole thing from start to finish, which I felt bad about, probably disrupting people.

I have a headache most of the time, I have felt dizzy and light headed. I get hot flashes and shiver when I shouldn't be cold at all. I have chest pains when i breathe and cough, my entire upper half is sore from coughing so much. My throat kills,  i am tired and my eyes sting from such lack of sleep.

My medications are not working, and I'm on so many at the same time. I'm on my inhalers; advair and ventalin, I was prescribed an antibiotic and prednisone pills, which are like a type of steroid hormone apparently. I'm taking also taking singulair, which is a medication for asthma. I'm taking b12 supplement pills, because i have a b12 deficiency (and am anemic, because of it) as well as a women's multivitamin. I am on alesse birth control as well, plus I might go pick up some lozenges and buckley's cough medicine today. It has been a rough few weeks. 
This kid has been doing a good job of trying to make me feel better, even though I got him sick too.

On an upside, I am going home this friday and warren is coming with me. Then saturday is brutal knights, woo!

 

 i'm very happy